How do you get along with your spouse, your kids, your relatives, your neighbors, your co-workers, etc in the midst of relational difficulties? Modern-day psychologists give lots of practical remedies, but I think most of us would confess these techniques rarely work. They just don’t get to the heart of the matter. And so, how do you get along with difficult people and heal broken relationships? Here is Martin Luther’s answer based on the teaching of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 7:1-5). Consider Luther’s thoughtful words as he applies Jesus’ teaching on the “speck” and the “log” to his own life…
“Therefore a Christian should follow a different practice. When he sees the mote in his brother’s eye, he should go look at himself in the mirror before passing judgment. He will then find beams in his eye big enough to make hog troughs. Consequently he will have to say: What is this anyway? My neighbor has done this once in a quarter, a half, a whole year; but I have become so old and have never yet kept the commandments of our Lord God, yea, I transgress them every hour and moment. How can I be such a desperate rascal? My sins are nothing but large oaks, thirty feet tall; and I allow the paltry motes, the specks of dust in my brother’s eye, to irritate me more than my large beams! But this should not be. I must first see how to get rid of my own sins. This will keep me so busy that I shall forget about the motes.”(Martin Luther, What Luther Says, Weimar Edition 52, p. 524)
Martin Luther, What Luther Says, Edwin M. Plass, ed. Weimar Edition 52, p. 524
In addition to the teaching of Jesus, the Bible also tells us, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (Proverbs 10:12) And, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.” (Proverbs 17:9) Lastly, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11) These verses address our tendency as human beings to “take up an offense” and become “easily offended.” How much better it would be if we could look to God to help us in “overlooking an offense” and truly forgiving others! Instead of holding onto these hurts and allowing them to keep burning, like the embers from a smoldering fire, we are instructed to “cover” all offenses with “love” and to forgive those who have hurt us. The Lord promises that he will help us to do what we ourselves cannot do in our own strength.
The Apostle Paul gives further instruction with this powerful rejoinder, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32) Therefore, the basis of covering offenses with “love” and extending genuine “forgiveness” in difficult relationships is found in the example of Jesus. And, the basis of all healing in broken relationships is found in the power of the Gospel that Jesus taught.
Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22) This seems impossible to do! But that is the point! The disciples of Jesus are to look to Him by faith to help them in the midst of relational difficulties. As Christians, we must set aside our personal “offenses” and trust God to enable us to “cover” these smoldering hurts with “love”–the same kind of long-suffering “love” that Jesus has already shown to us. That is how we get along with difficult people and heal broken relationships.
— Dr. Marcus J. Serven